Information Sharing
Men at Work

Quick Questions...

Q. What’s the big deal about men all of a sudden?

I must admit that sometimes all the talking and writing about men and work has seemed something of a fad. But, it does raise some interesting possibilities about what we men really want to do with out lives. I’m not saying I plan to make any big changes. However, I think it will be helpful to be more flexible about the way men work and what is expected of them at work. After all, the whole nature of work and doing business is changing so rapidly now. We might even learn how to do things better and not just the way we have always done them.

Q. I saw an article recently about a former executive at Microsoft, Daniel Petre, who has decided to be a better father and spend more time with his kids, that’s fine for him now that he has all that money and has proven himself. What about the rest of us?

I suspect that he didn’t wait until he was rich and famous to try to live out his values. He probably had to discover for himself what he wanted and learned by trial and error what that would mean and what it would cost him.

I agree that he probably has a greater financial capacity to do what he wants. But what about the risk of power and prestige. He wouldhave to have more than financial capacity. He must have developed his own passion and vision and been willing to do what it takes to achieve it. Each of us can find ways of learning what we want and how to get it. I’m sure that we won’t necessarily get it right the first time. We can get on with it though.

Q. I’m not all that comfortable with the attention we men are getting right now. Some of the things that are being written make us look pretty pathetic.

It’s true that much of what is said and written implies that men have a problem. And some men probably have or are problems to other people. Most of us are just trying to get on with our lives in the best way we know how. I’m finding that I learn new things about what interests me and what is important to my partner and children. I realise that I have strengths that others overlook and I honour them for myself even if others don’t realise how important they are.

I think that it’s important to realise that there are some changes that need to be made in the workplace. Women and men have to figure out ways of sharing power and caring for those we love at home that are more fair. I don’t think that means that we have to do things the sameway. I’d like to hear what other people think.

Q. I must say that I find it increasingly difficult to know what to do or say in the workplace any more. It seems like men are just sitting targets for sexual harrassment claims.

Sitting targets may be an overstatement. But, I think I know what you mean. It’s true that our language and behaviour can cut pretty close to the edge. I know that I have been surprise by how women have taken my sense of humour. It has been seen to be all that humourous to them. I think that each workplace or company has to be very clear about what the rules are and where the boundaries are.

If you are really concerned, you might want to talk to the HR people and see what they think. Perhaps you can have a round-table discussion to see how other people view the situation. If that’s too risky, you might want to talk to some people you trust outside of the workplace and check out how they feel about different words or behaviours.

Q. I’d like to be able to take more time for my family but I’m worried that I’ll look like I’m not promotion material. Anyone have any ideas?

I suppose that whatever you do there will always be the risk that someone might make a case against your being promotion material. You’ll probably have to decide what’s worth the risk. But, I’m sure that you can reduce the risk by finding out exactly what’s expected of someone going for promotion. It’s also very important to be clear about what discretion you do and don’t have in your job.

You’d probably be wise to find out what your superiors really value and what drives them and be sure to show them how doing what you want to do will actually help them achieve their aims. You might find that being able to take a stand gracefully is exactly what makes you promotion material if you have all of the other requisites.

I obviously don’t know your boss. He or she might really be bad news. Most aren’t. I’d start with clarifying just what exactly your duties and responsibilities are. I know that there can be quite a large about of subtle manipulation to do more than the job description requires. However, sometimes that’s pressure that we put on ourselves.

You might canvass what others think in the office. There may be other people who feel just like you and would be willing to work out arrangements to cover for you if you’re willing to do the same. Be sure to check out what your organisations official policy regarding taking leave for family reasons, etc. You might be surprised at the latitude that will be granted as long as follow the proceedures carefully.

If you don’t have any policies supporting parents taking time off maybe you should start negotiating with the powers that be to get them.

Q. I get really tired of hearing how lousy men are as fathers. Why don’t people talk about the good things we can do and stop always rubbishing us for the things that we don’t do so well?

There are many things that men do well and they don’t get enought credit for them. On the other hand, there are many things that they let others do. Sometimes men haven’t been allowed to learn how to take care of their children. You might want to see about the possibility expanding any training in your organisation in the areas of interpersonal skills or customer service to include practical ways in which the skills can be put into effect at home.

Q. The competition among the guys gets a bit intense sometimes. What can we do to be a little less focused about our successes and failures? You hate to raise the topic because you don’t necessarily want them accusing you of sour grapes.

I don’t find that we men are always trying to compete. Sometimes we are actually trying to help one another by telling how we did something well. I also think that we tend to go on a bit sometimes because we are somewhat amazed that we actually did pull off a very good performance. I also tend to find that guys are good about helping others if they are asked.

Fear is the big issue for some people. For one person it might be fear of failure. For another it might be fear of success. The competition and bragging might just be a way of trying to get comfortable with whatever we’re uncomfortable with. On the other hand, I guess if you really desire something you go for it with everything you’ve got and when you’ve got it you want to let other’s know.

Q. I don’t think men know how often their anger can be truly frighting to women.

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